One of my earliest childhood memories that I can remember was at the ripe age of 4 years old. I was a deeply sensitive soul even back then. I recall looking around me at all of the children in my classroom and thinking with a most sincere conviction .. "I want to go home. There is something wrong here".
Yes, even way back then, I felt a rather uneasiness about the world I was born into. Inherently, I knew that there was something off about it all. There was a lack of Love and an abundance of pain in the actions and words of all whom I encountered. I was bullied and taunted, my innocent spirit playing the role of punching bag for the lost ego driven souls surrounding me. I felt very alone a great deal of the time. A home life with immigrant parents did little to ease my pain and confusion as parents were brought up during harsh war times in the Ukraine and did not have the capacity to raise me in a loving household as a result. For this reason I had to find my own way in life. A harsh pill to swallow yet one I am deeply grateful for.
In my loneliness, I found that I was never truly alone.
In my loneliness I found that I was never truly alone however. I only felt alone and out of place in the physical world. My spirit knew that there as more to this life that met the eye. Often times, I felt protected and guided by something much greater than myself. Looking back, I can see this so clearly how all of the events in my life have led me to this very moment.
As I write this blog entry and share my truth with the world for the very first time, I feel free for the first time in this lifetime. I have always felt rather fearful to share my truth for fear of judgment form others. "What would they think/say?" Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I came upon a video on YouTube by Bob Proctor. His words inspiring a shift in me as he spoke: "I found out, they don't think. It doesn't matter what they think.. what matters is what I think". I realized then that maybe I wasn't for everyone. Maybe my truth wasn't for everyone. But do you know what? That is OK. Because the Truth I was put on this earth to share is intended to reach those that need to hear it. The rest has no bearing.
So here I am baring my soul in hopes that my Truth may make a positive impact in someone else's life.
The best way to describe the feelings I experience growing up, was a dis-ease in my spirit. This dis-ease can manifest itself into many a disorder and physical disease. I battled with ADD most of my life, more often then not, I found it debilitating. Little did I know I was simply a deeply sensitive spirit that longed for truth and clarity in a often confused and dishonest society. I longed for deep conversation and the ability to speak truth freely. Unfortunately such an existence was not in the cards for me for at least another 30 years. Yes - 30 years. It took me that long to find myself again. After having lost myself along the way, "trying to fit in", in an effort to lesson the pain of day to day life, as an outsider looking in. I used to live for others (the people pleaser), sacrificing myself and my greatest good in an effort to make everyone else happy (I was looking for love and approval from the outside instead of within - which doesn't work). I've come full circle though, it seems, in my ability to honor and love myself in the present moment as a result of my life's experiences.
The life that I've lived until today may not have been perfect. It was riddled with immense highs and lows with lessons abound. I am grateful for every single moment however, as it has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am stronger and have a heightened level of awareness as a result (Thank you ADD!! - Yes, I was able to make it work for me instead of against me these days). I have gained clarity and become much more courageous in upholding my truth these days. I am committed to listening to the soul urges/pulls as they come and taking inspired action as guided. I have come to realize that in doing so, I am not only loving myself, but also fulfilling my purpose and hopefully inspiring others to do the same. Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days, and at times, find that I may fall back into old habits... yet that is all part of the process.
Life is unfolding perfectly even when it feels imperfect.
I do not claim to know everything, rather, I truly know nothing at all. It is in accepting this truth that I have been able to let go, surrender and let Divine inspiration flow through me. I realized that in my "Knowing" I had let my ego take the seat. Today, I acknowledge that I have much still left to learn and a lifetime filled with opportunities for growth paving the road ahead of me. I say bring it on! I am ready to live out the life I was made for and know that I am never truly alone when I am aligned with my Divine Life Purpose.
Are you aligned with your Divine Life Purpose? Are you clear on your Heart's True Desire that was placed there on purpose and with your purpose in mind?
I leave you today with some of my daily processes for inspiration...
First, I start my day every morning asking myself, "Are you aligned with your Divine Life Purpose? Are you clear on your Heart's True Desire that was placed there on purpose and with your purpose in mind?" I do this so that I may align myself with my authentic truth and remind myself of the importance of making each and every day count. Depending on the day, my answer may be filled with doubt and uncertainty (the days my Ego is really determined to derail me), yet I push forward and have faith in my desire for Truth and conviction to see my purpose through. I find this ritual keeps me focused and on task throughout my day. In addition, I like to reflect on my day each night before I go to bed
. I review and take a honest account of all that I have achieved that day.
"It is the culmination of all of those little victories that result in the final outcome of success."
My goal each day it to make an impact, preferably a profound one, and although I may not always succeed in attaining the final outcome, I rejoice in the strides I have made . I have found that it is important to be honest with yourself when you have failed or fallen short at attaining a goal. This gives you the clarity to identify the areas that you need to work on in order to succeed. Yet, as previously mentioned, rejoicing in your successes, even if perceived nominal at the time, is also very important. It is the culmination of all of those little victories that result in the final outcome of success.
Immense Gratitude and Love - Zhanna